The Definitive Guide to Marketing

The internet is full of serious hints and tips on marketing your product, advertising your product and generally getting your product (or your brand) "out there".

So that you can make the most of all the good advice available, I would like to offer a glossary of advertising terms.










This will clear up any confusion ...



You're a woman and you see a handsome man at a party.
You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.


You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome man.
One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising..


You see a handsome man at a party.
You go up to him and get his telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.


You see a man at a party, you straighten your dress.
You walk up to him and pour him a drink.
You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm...
And then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.


You're at a party and see a handsome man.
He walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.


You're at a party and see a handsome man.
He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Representation.


Your friend can't satisfy him so she calls you.
That's Technical Support.


You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome
men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of
one situated towards the centre and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Junk Mail.